Care...

It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve

It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just to real
It takes everything you have just to say the word...
Forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'Set It Free'
Forgiveness, 

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible

It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness,

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, 

~~~~~~~~~~~~
but I have to care, just one ounce to forgive, don't i?

Having a Bad Morning?

when you are having a bad horrible rotten everything sucks, very bad day...
think of me:
10:50 right now...

almost an hour ago - I went into a bedroom to put clothes away, I then hear my precious 3 year old start screaming...'SHE'S POOPING, ON ME!!'
(What the world, right??!!??)

I walk in the living room to see...
3 yr old standing screaming
baby on all fours, with her diaper and bottoms, lodged in her "crack", and poo oozing out
3 yr old has poo down one leg, on her foot, between her toes..and still screaming.
baby has it down both legs, on arms, and fingers....and wait for it...
in slow motion...hand GOING...INTO...MOUTH.

>we pause here to "notice" the poo in the rug..IN the rug, not on.

....there just isn't enough patience, wipes, soap, spray, wash, hand santitizer, bleach..in the whole of this house.
Yeah, that's been my day...can't wait for more fun. Life with 4, yep:)

another 5, has passed

Do you have that one thing that reminds you of your children? That "thing" that you see in a store and think - "___" would love that.

My son - it's Transformers. As T has gotton older, his love of them hasn't dwindled. He likes other stuff, lots of other stuff - but when he sees a yellow sports car with black stripes drive down the road - he's all about  Bumble bee. When we see a big semi with 2 smoke stacks (is that the technical word?) - it's all about Optimus.

So 2 years ago I painted this on his wall - super super easy. You need a picture, a transparency, a projector, and paints & a sharpie....here's the Evolution of Optimus.

But alas what was once a lil boy - is now 10 - DOUBLE DIGIT people!!
Another 5 has passed, and where he once has a Transformers themed bedroom, a Transformers themed birthday party, backpack, tshirts, coats, etc.....it's all falling away.

One day -- he will ask me to paint over this mural....he's getting there, adding pictures all around it, where once it was solid white - so all would see O.P. One day some sports guy, or a pic of some girl, will cover it.
Not now, tho -- he's still my lil boy.

A Letter to my Son...8/2012

I have written letters on my children's first birthdays, that I put aside till they are going away to college.

But my son turns 10 this year, actually this week. And I've been contemplating some things I could do for him from me, for this special Double Digit time in his life.

Through the powers of Pinterest (it's taking over the world isn't it!?!) I found a letter written by Tina Fey, to her daughter that was published in her book. The letter has humor and truth to it ~ making it completely personal from mommy to daughter. 

So I decided to take her idea, and humor at times, and create my own lil prayer for Tim for the next 10 or so years. With a few of Tina's words, a bit of my own, adding some of Tim's personality, and a bit of my prayerful heart....here it is:

My prayer for Tim:

First Lord, teach me to see him as, A Blessing. A Miracle. A Joy. My Gift.

Remind him from time to time that his daddy is a superhero. Who will move mountains, jump from building to building, fly across the world, and take a bullet for him.

For him…please no tattoos. May no Chinese symbol, no little birds flying away, or tiny flower or design, stain his precious skin. May Your words be on his heart, not his arm.

When the crystal meth is offered or the joint is passed his way, may he remember he is a temple and have the courage to walk away.

Guide him and protect him…when he crosses the street, is within the water, standing, walking, running, on a bike, on a scooter, on a motorcycle, in a car…when he is down on this earth and when he is above it. 

While he walks in foreign land, at home or away, 

I pray his footsteps become footsteps of faith.

Keep him protected from anything high, anywhere, at any age....but when he quivers around all that is high...remind him of Your protection.

Guide him Father, when he walks…when he begins to walk away from us.

Help him to learn to play drums, to his own fiery rhythm of His Own Heart, so loud, that he will not hear the cadence of the other drummers.

Remind him fighting is never the answer. But also remind him to fight for what he believes in, and to not let others take his beliefs away.

Help him to find something he will be passionate about, something where he can make his own hours but still feel fulfilled. Help him see outside the window, everything that YOU created. The simple breeze through the trees, the beauty in a flower, the sun upon his face, the perfectness of a snowflake.

Teach him to crawl again. Now that he is running, he is moving faster through life. In a few years he will be sprinting, and once he is behind the wheel he will take off. 

Let him be still holding a matchbox car for a few years before he is holding the keys to one.

And when he looks up and sees her. Let his mind not be flooded with only thoughts of her, but help him to remember me, his sisters, his grandmothers, and all the other women in his life. Help him to remember to care for her like a fragile flower. 

To honor her like women should be honored. Help him to love her as You love her.

One night Lord, he may be up walking the halls with his beloved. 

He will see her in pain and he will have no clue what to do. 

How can he help her? How will he do this? Will he be a good father? 

Remind him Lord, all the years of him learning to love, from his daddy, from his Father.

And when he’s up walking and rocking the new lil one, changing his lil one, loving his lil one, remind him Lord these words… 

“My mother did this for me once.”

Amen

August 2012

-excerpts taken from Tina Fey

Ahhhh

i always seem to be looking for time & energy
starting to think i need to be better at the time given

hubby and i just got back from our anniversary trip in bahamas
such, SUCH a relaxing vaca
some travelers need to fill up their time with things to do, places to see
this trip was all about me, my honey, some sand, and island breeze
do nothing in the sun type of trip
and we had it

but that really is the feel of the islands
i was told the bahama's has a 3s policy
sit, stop, stay
yeah that pretty much covers it

it's slower, time is enjoyed
food is savored and drinks are sipped
ahhhhhh

i may have purchased a few souvenirs from the islands
but i have brought back something even better
a sense of "calm"
3 s
sit - stop - stay
ahhhh


~ purchased an ebook with some recipes - I'm on the search for something, anything that tasted as good as the Jerk Chicken Caesar Salad we had pool side...soo good! And I hate spice!  I will post when I get down with my first try - Blackened Fish (Tilapia not Whitey...us in the midwest have no idea how good fish can be!) - maybe cut open a coconut :)

Can someone...

please find me some time? I would love to redo furniture...all flea market-y...make my home all vintage-y.
please find me some time? I would love to spend an entire day in the kitchen, making lots and lots of food & yumminess...is that a word?
please find me some time? I would love to spend some quality time with the kiddos - making, building, creating, exploring...any type of adventure would do!

and yet we are only given a bit..a tiny bit of time...when it's gone, it's gone

A Writing I Will Go...

Has it really been since April? - Man, alot has happened...alot has made me happier:)
Let me fill ya in....

I spent a good 3-4 months having a bit of a post-partum...nothing on the drastic side...but just an overall - dislike of mommyhood. And then the last week of April hit, and well I was done...run away, one way ticket, taking an empty suitcase, thumb up on the side of the road...done.

Well, then I had the nerve to ask for help - found it:)...and began a "not worry or stress" so much attitude - which led to a much happier Mommy, leading to a happy baby and all around home.
Unless you have had post-partum...don't judge, turn off your head, you have no clue. You really don't, I look back now, and can't believe I'd wake up loving my lil girl, holding her, etc...and by noon I wanted nothing to do with her - Nothing. Could have cared less...it's a horrible feeling:( What a horrible mom I was right?...my kids would say differently...cuz when they asked for candy  ... I said I don't care. When they asked for ice cream...yep said I don't care. For about 3 days, they got to do whatever they wanted for 2 hours...between school and Daddy getting home:).
During that time I had no desire to be a mom - much less a mom of an infant.

Help: Get it, You deserve it.


Now to vent:

Have you seen Extreme Couponing? Or in this house what we call, Hording.
I have seen all the shows on hording, I get it - it's really a disease...this need for more. A desire to keep or hold onto something...I go through that with scrapbooking items...don't judge!
So why am I venting? Have you seen the show? Have you seen the many, MANY people who get what they get - cuz it's FREE??!!
And they line there rooms, closets, garages, and their bedrooms - kicking their spouses or kids out of the way - with their precious FREE ITEMS...oh but it's ok, it's "organized".

What the heck are you gonna do with 6 mo worth of diapers when you 

DON'T HAVE A BABY!?!?!?!?! 

Walk your butt to your precious piles...grab them diapers that you just have to have, "incase" you have a child one day...pack up your car - drive down to your food pantry and 

HAND THEM OUT.

Toothpaste? Go give them away on the streets of your innercity.
Vitamin water? Go to your local school and give them to the coaches for their players.
Cereal? Go back to your local school, in your innercity - cuz they need food for their students for breakfasts!!!
NOODLES? Did you know there is actually AN EXPIRATION on non expiration foods?? Yeah, anything that has flour/starch...it gets bugs - lots of nasty bugs.

YOU DON'T NEED IT

You ain't ever gonna use your 5,000 rolls of paper towels before you die. There are some of these people who live and breath for their coupons...don't get me wrong, I use them, I save lots with them..FOR STUFF I ACTUALLY USE.

You have an actual talent and desire -- fine a use for that...cuz your husband wants his garage back, and your kids want to play in the basement. Find a local food pantry - AND FILL IT!! With all and everything you can get your hands on...then you can continue your need to "get that 0.00 balance at the register". Keep for what your family needs (NEEDS)..and give to what your neighbor needs.

yeah. there. i vented.

just an observation:)