Anxiety

Had a discussion with my oldest today. It's his week to be line leader...but that also means he has to be the one to take up the offering during Chapel...Today.
So he goes on to tell me that he hates it, and always asks one of his friends to do it. He also goes on to say, he wants to change schools because, other schools don't collect for offering.
Ahhhh, little light bulbs are going off in my head.....

So I ask him a series of questions:
"How come you can go up to the front, and celebrate Baptism time?"
>"Cuz' we only go up the front, not the way back"
"How come you can go up to the front, and sing in front of the entire church?"
>"Mom (whine here) cuz I don't sing up in the back of the stage, only in the front?"
"Well what's in the back of the stage? A boogieman?"
>"No it's just the back"
"Have you ever gone up?"
>"No"
"And everyone else does, including Kindergarteners?"
>"Yeah - but I'm not going to"
"So what if I gave you a candy bar tonight - a big one all to yourself?"
>"No" -- (that surprised me)
"So what if we went to Chucky Cheese, tonight?"
>"No" -- (that REALLY surprised me)
...he has some serious Anxiety Issues!!

We continue in this little banter, back and forth. I guess I'm trying to get him
to give up the "reason" why he has anxiety.
Mine of course is the fact that others will make fun of me - that's why I never went up in the front. I've tried off and on in my life to conquer this fear - but alas the fear is still there.

How do I help him??

Ah, Bangers & Mash

Me: Let's have a real Irish meal. Bangers and Mash! (shows photo)
T: eww that looks gross
Me: It's just like a Hot Dog
T: Without a bun?
Me: Yes
T: That's still gross, I want a bun.
Me: You can't it's not Irish
T: Then it's a good thing I'm not Irish (walks away)

!!!!!!!!!!! this has me laughing sooo hard!!!!!!!!!!!!

so, was reading....

sometimes I venture into the Internet, like I daydream.
one thought leads to another, leading to another and seconds later you are nowhere where you once were thinking...

..if you have no clue what I"m talking about - stop reading and go to another blog, cuz honey you in the wrong place...

but today i found myself just grazing through different sites, googling this and that and came upon this great blog,
about being a Sugar Junkie and having PCOS....

incase you didn't know - I have been diagnosed with PCOS > and if you don't know what it is.....google it.

....now this gal (back in 09) was a bit scared finding out she has this, scared that she may never get pregnant, and really scared that her life is about to change....exercise, food's to/not to eat, etc.
Now, that wasn't what caught my eye --

-- cuz yeah, I've been there. The scared part that is, the "what do I do now?" feeling, the "how do I fix this?" feeling, the "will I ever get pregnant?" feeling {and by the way yes...I have 3 lil ones - w/o fertility drugs/treatments!!}, but mostly in my head "what will happen to me in the future?" feeling. --

-- What caught my eye was a comment on her first blog, the one announcing to the world she has PCOS and has Insulin issues and has to eat/live like a diabetic. (and incase you are reading this and didn't know - yes Insulin issues is the #1 issue I may have live with besides, Hdisease, Kidney problems, or Stroke....the list goes on)

The comment is inregards to the author having to change her life, food/exercise/etc.....

"It’s a scary path and one that looks like it will be zero fun to walk. That’s when we have to make big grown up decisions. Do we continue to embrace our childlike desire to live carefree lives ignoring what we should and have to do? Or, do we “b**** up Sally” (my boss told me that once) and do what has to be done? I guess it all depends on how badly we want correct our problem."

That last sentence struck a nerve with me...a good one.

How badly do I want to correct my problem.

(I'm not a fan of the very very foul language on her site -- but it was nice to read something from her heart - something that I go through, off and on.)
http://sugarjunkie.gysago.com/
another great blog:
http://soulcysters.blogspot.com/

Yep, I'll take one. Thank You

Census 2010

This is not a rant about the Census. I personally think what ev. My local grocery store knows more about me and my home and my habits, then I ever thought anyone would want to know...so I'm not caring a whole lot about it - and I chuckle when I hear others ranting about "Big Brother".

Why the blog?

Well I am amused at the moment.

Went in to pay my water bill.

Asked a question about when we shall be expecting the nice lil piece of mail.

Got my answer - "Expect it in the next 24 hours."

The nice "Village" worker - reaches out and hands me a Mug.

A nice travel mug - really nice actually....

"The gov't gave us these to hand out. Would you like one?"

...

"Yep, I'll take one. Thank You."

...

On the way out the door I'm thinking - yep I'll take it - this nice travel mug.

I don't travel

I rarely even drink coffee

but it's free - technically I already paid for it - but since my household can't take advantage

of handouts .... I'll take this one.

but then I thought crosses my brain....

I bet they made this with BPA.

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Worth

I heard this on the radio this morning been melding with my brain-- and has stuck with me all day....hmm:)

~~~

What would you do if I gave you a $50.00 bill?

Be pretty excited right? Think of what you could do with a $50? There's a lot of worth in that lil bit of paper.

But then I take it back.

Roll it up into a tiny little ball, no bigger than a piece of trident gum.

Still want it? - well yeah? It's $50 right!

Kay, so I'm going to take it back again...

This time I get it nice and wet - fibers and all. It kinda turns grayish-black.

Still want it?

So what if I take it, all rolled up and bent up, wet and dripping of water - but now

I find a nasty puddle of mud, you know the really gross stuff that you would never ever walk into with your shoes.

I dip the soaked rolled up bill, into the mud and leave it there for awhile, letting all those fibers soak in the nasty stuff - but right before I get it out, I stomp on it, march all over it.

I reach down, pull it out of the mess.

Do you still want it?

Think about it - $50.00 that's a nice couple bags of groceries, a good portion of your utilities this month...still want it?

You bet

It has worth.

No matter the wrinkles, the dirt that is crusted over, the stomping and crushing of this piece of money there's worth to it.

How many people have stomped on you this month? What about today?

Does life come in and cover you with dirt and mud? Has the world crumpled you into a little balland tossed you to the curb?

Do you feel like no matter what you do - no one sees you shine,

no one sees your worth?

You may lay in your curb, covered by rain and mud,

laying in the excess trash of the world around you -

but someone has looked down

someone reaches out and picks you up

wipes you clean

holds you up to the SON

and smiles because HE has found something of Worth.

Not gonna grow up

It's inevitable
seasons come, seasons change
tree grows
leaves fall
winds blow
snow falls
lil feet curled up, soon crawling amongst giants,
then running to play catchup, suddenly right in stride with you
lil hand holds your finger, then giv'n you a high five

like all moms out there, I come to the season of clothes switcharoo
bins upon bins of clothes from seasons past, packing away memories, ol memories come flooding back...
pulling out one lil dress I smile, I can see my oldest daughter in it, accessories and all.....
put it on a hanger, ready for it to be worn once again.

suddenly lil hands grab it up - she smiles at me
and lil A turns to run away grabbing a handful of other "new" items.
lil feet stamper into the kitchen and tosses it in the trash...(it's her new trick)...---
apparently she doesn't want the new items hung in her closet
apparently she wants to stay in her too small items
apparently she doesn't want to grow up
---and she stands and smiles.

The Buried Life

So, bored as I get sometimes being home while munchkins are in school - I went searching for a new show on TV I have yet seen. Now I'm not a huge fan of MTV - well I'm not even a small fan....not since they stopped playing music that is...but this show caught my eye.

The premise is that if you had one day left of life - what is the one dream you would want to fulfill.

Now let's say you have a lot of days left of life - how many more dreams are added to your list?

A few guys decided to make something of their days left, and accomplish their dreams - now for every dream they get to fullfill, they will decided to choose one stranger, and help fulfill one of their dreams too.

Ok - so the premise is really really interesting - it caught my attention as did the dream they were trying to fulfill > Play basketball with President Obama.
Yeah, they got all the way up the "ladder" from radio stations, through congressmen, through a Secretary of a dept.
...but alas, their dream could not be fulfilled -but seriously that's huge right there...to get to talk with a congressman or secretary - face to face!

--- so this begs the question...
if you had one day left of your life - what is the one dream you would want to accomplish.
....
I personally have no idea......I should dream more.