Christmas 2010

Ah, the Christmas Season!

This was an all around great month -- plans and goals were accomplished. And I think we took more time to just "BE" and stopped "Being Busy".

Our tree was up the Saturday after Thanksgiving - a real tree too! No real lil ones around to eat the needles!

Our gifts were all purchased well in advance, and wrapped right away. Not to mention, I kept my tradition of having each child get their own kind of paper. (Thank goodness for dollar stores!)

Cookies - I had a goal to try different ones, to make ones I have always wanted to try...yeah for Kahula Balls!! Though ran out o

f time, to make my staples...Crinkles:( But Dan got to try a new tradition...Dragon's Beard!

We spent time with family - spent time with God. We even got to read Twas the Night & The Nativity.

Really this was a great month. And now we have Daddy home all week - having fun, watchin movies, playing games, building models and play houses -- A Blessing ~ this Life with 3.

Bit by Bit by Bit, another year comes.

Lil girl is all grown. Bitty lil thing - my Abi-licious:)

Luv having her to myself - that moment when the older ones are in school - and the bitty babes get to stay home with Mama:)

(Knock on wood) If another lil bit doesn't join us in the next year or so - I will get to have her to myself for sometime.

She moved into her tot bed, now that she's 2 -- and has fallen out (we guess) about 3 times, since we have found her sleeping on the floor.

Can't wait to get her into the bottom of the bunk -- and get that room and the "room" it has back!!

So, my lil 2 year old -- loves in order least to fav....

Princess' and calls them "prinsses"

Elmo & Abby - good equal footing, calls them "emo and ABBY" (with excitement!)

Dora & Pooh (and friends) - again a good equal footing, calls them "Ora" and "Poo"

but by far, no matter what in the world that she's upset or crying over

at the moment.....

Mickey Mouse (and friends) Conquer Her Heart - and calls him "MeeMow"

(kay that there right now is my fav thing she says:)

Vertigo, in the distant past...

Over the past 3 months, the vertigo/crazy life we lived - settled and calmed. We now are back in our state of "followers" and not "leaders" - a much better fit for me, I would say.

Less chaos, less stress, less of everything!

Today we leave for our retreat - to learn about the vision that we will now follow - the leader we will now follow - and what direction he is leading us in.

Can't wait:)

....though I still ponder, what lies ahead in our future - we were taken down this path for

a purpose, wondering what He has in store:)

It's a small world after all...

I'm astonished at times, how truly small our world is....I may know someone from my past, who may now be working with a someone else I know, across the country....truly astonishing.

Over the past 6 months, I have come across quite a few people on my facebook, who know other people on my friends list - they are connected, and we are connected...but none of us know, that we are all connected.

It's quite a small world isn't....how do I know you? Are we just a few "degrees" away from eachother?

It's a Big small world, where we are all connected....and yet at times all alone.

Steppin Through Vertigo

The world isn't as spinning as it was...little by little, I am understanding a bit more and more. Just taking tiny steps through the vertigo of my situation.

Seems like I've been in a constant prayer with God, every day, every time I consider the upcoming months...
...
don't let me step unless your footprint is there waiting for me,
don't let me speak unless your heart's cry is already in my mouth, and,
don't let me run with something that was just handed for me to borrow

Garden 2010

Yep, trying it again - what's this year 6?
I'm once again taking it one step farther...more seeds!
N helped make a tray of veggies - everything from beans to melons! T helped make two trays of flowers.

A few things I learned so far in my seed planting experience:
- those bio peet pots are for the birds...nope never mind that birds won't even touch them.
they don't disintegrate like they say they do -- I'm still digging up stuff from last year!
- yogurt containers work wonderfully...thinking it has more to do with the moisture staying in, I personally love using the kids yogurt containers - since we have tons of those!
- seed trays are now my absolute fav!! - the covers make them into mini green houses....how brilliant is that? To think it took nearly 6 years for me to figure this out! lol
- OH but if you don't have the seed trays - just put plastic over the yogurt containers...waalaa.
- Because the seed trays works so wonderfully -- I don't have to plant the seeds so early. (I usually start in mid-march and plant outside mid-may) -- but in April all my seeds - yes ALL - were ready for the outdoors!

Our backyard faces the west - the nice Hot Sun! Half of my garden has always been flowers, the other side was veggies. I loosely call this a garden because it's a two feet wide patch the entire length of the house - something you'd put bushes into.

Speaking of Bushes - those nasty horrible overgrown pieces of...well.
I have hated ours for yes, 6 years. This year, putting my foot down, on a shovel and diggin them UP and OUT.
And making the entire length of the house garden plot - Flowers!

This week I planted the Gladiolas in the far north/west corner - lovely ground, lots of worms! Eight of them, looking forward to see what happens - never planted bulbs before!
I purchased a few perennials to replace those horrible bushes! -- N and I picked out a cute one called Strawberry -- truly thinking the name meant the "color" - because they were sold with flowers....but alas you guessed right - they are strawberries...another new addition.

The goal - and I really say that loosely because goals are never really finished around here - is to plant a 3x8 garden patch in the far north/west corner of the yard. All the veggies will go in there! - I can't wait to actually do this properly -- I'm hoping my laziness doesn't get the best of me, nor the bunnies.

Venture and New Discovery and Vertigo

Just in a few weeks - that's the time frame. A few weeks huh?
Feels like walls are starting to creep in.
Haven't really thought about the long term aspects of this new venture of our lives - the pain, the heartache, just focusing on the "now".

The now is a whirlwind. New discoveries around every bend, it's getting kinda dizzy in here, a Vertigo effect...a twirling effect of the knowledge being thrown at me...but the thankful aspect is there is a road map....only if I could continue to know how to read it!

Even in a road map, one begins to second guess the directions!

Just a few weeks - maybe the world will stop spinning by then.

Anxiety

Had a discussion with my oldest today. It's his week to be line leader...but that also means he has to be the one to take up the offering during Chapel...Today.
So he goes on to tell me that he hates it, and always asks one of his friends to do it. He also goes on to say, he wants to change schools because, other schools don't collect for offering.
Ahhhh, little light bulbs are going off in my head.....

So I ask him a series of questions:
"How come you can go up to the front, and celebrate Baptism time?"
>"Cuz' we only go up the front, not the way back"
"How come you can go up to the front, and sing in front of the entire church?"
>"Mom (whine here) cuz I don't sing up in the back of the stage, only in the front?"
"Well what's in the back of the stage? A boogieman?"
>"No it's just the back"
"Have you ever gone up?"
>"No"
"And everyone else does, including Kindergarteners?"
>"Yeah - but I'm not going to"
"So what if I gave you a candy bar tonight - a big one all to yourself?"
>"No" -- (that surprised me)
"So what if we went to Chucky Cheese, tonight?"
>"No" -- (that REALLY surprised me)
...he has some serious Anxiety Issues!!

We continue in this little banter, back and forth. I guess I'm trying to get him
to give up the "reason" why he has anxiety.
Mine of course is the fact that others will make fun of me - that's why I never went up in the front. I've tried off and on in my life to conquer this fear - but alas the fear is still there.

How do I help him??

Ah, Bangers & Mash

Me: Let's have a real Irish meal. Bangers and Mash! (shows photo)
T: eww that looks gross
Me: It's just like a Hot Dog
T: Without a bun?
Me: Yes
T: That's still gross, I want a bun.
Me: You can't it's not Irish
T: Then it's a good thing I'm not Irish (walks away)

!!!!!!!!!!! this has me laughing sooo hard!!!!!!!!!!!!

so, was reading....

sometimes I venture into the Internet, like I daydream.
one thought leads to another, leading to another and seconds later you are nowhere where you once were thinking...

..if you have no clue what I"m talking about - stop reading and go to another blog, cuz honey you in the wrong place...

but today i found myself just grazing through different sites, googling this and that and came upon this great blog,
about being a Sugar Junkie and having PCOS....

incase you didn't know - I have been diagnosed with PCOS > and if you don't know what it is.....google it.

....now this gal (back in 09) was a bit scared finding out she has this, scared that she may never get pregnant, and really scared that her life is about to change....exercise, food's to/not to eat, etc.
Now, that wasn't what caught my eye --

-- cuz yeah, I've been there. The scared part that is, the "what do I do now?" feeling, the "how do I fix this?" feeling, the "will I ever get pregnant?" feeling {and by the way yes...I have 3 lil ones - w/o fertility drugs/treatments!!}, but mostly in my head "what will happen to me in the future?" feeling. --

-- What caught my eye was a comment on her first blog, the one announcing to the world she has PCOS and has Insulin issues and has to eat/live like a diabetic. (and incase you are reading this and didn't know - yes Insulin issues is the #1 issue I may have live with besides, Hdisease, Kidney problems, or Stroke....the list goes on)

The comment is inregards to the author having to change her life, food/exercise/etc.....

"It’s a scary path and one that looks like it will be zero fun to walk. That’s when we have to make big grown up decisions. Do we continue to embrace our childlike desire to live carefree lives ignoring what we should and have to do? Or, do we “b**** up Sally” (my boss told me that once) and do what has to be done? I guess it all depends on how badly we want correct our problem."

That last sentence struck a nerve with me...a good one.

How badly do I want to correct my problem.

(I'm not a fan of the very very foul language on her site -- but it was nice to read something from her heart - something that I go through, off and on.)
http://sugarjunkie.gysago.com/
another great blog:
http://soulcysters.blogspot.com/

Yep, I'll take one. Thank You

Census 2010

This is not a rant about the Census. I personally think what ev. My local grocery store knows more about me and my home and my habits, then I ever thought anyone would want to know...so I'm not caring a whole lot about it - and I chuckle when I hear others ranting about "Big Brother".

Why the blog?

Well I am amused at the moment.

Went in to pay my water bill.

Asked a question about when we shall be expecting the nice lil piece of mail.

Got my answer - "Expect it in the next 24 hours."

The nice "Village" worker - reaches out and hands me a Mug.

A nice travel mug - really nice actually....

"The gov't gave us these to hand out. Would you like one?"

...

"Yep, I'll take one. Thank You."

...

On the way out the door I'm thinking - yep I'll take it - this nice travel mug.

I don't travel

I rarely even drink coffee

but it's free - technically I already paid for it - but since my household can't take advantage

of handouts .... I'll take this one.

but then I thought crosses my brain....

I bet they made this with BPA.

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Worth

I heard this on the radio this morning been melding with my brain-- and has stuck with me all day....hmm:)

~~~

What would you do if I gave you a $50.00 bill?

Be pretty excited right? Think of what you could do with a $50? There's a lot of worth in that lil bit of paper.

But then I take it back.

Roll it up into a tiny little ball, no bigger than a piece of trident gum.

Still want it? - well yeah? It's $50 right!

Kay, so I'm going to take it back again...

This time I get it nice and wet - fibers and all. It kinda turns grayish-black.

Still want it?

So what if I take it, all rolled up and bent up, wet and dripping of water - but now

I find a nasty puddle of mud, you know the really gross stuff that you would never ever walk into with your shoes.

I dip the soaked rolled up bill, into the mud and leave it there for awhile, letting all those fibers soak in the nasty stuff - but right before I get it out, I stomp on it, march all over it.

I reach down, pull it out of the mess.

Do you still want it?

Think about it - $50.00 that's a nice couple bags of groceries, a good portion of your utilities this month...still want it?

You bet

It has worth.

No matter the wrinkles, the dirt that is crusted over, the stomping and crushing of this piece of money there's worth to it.

How many people have stomped on you this month? What about today?

Does life come in and cover you with dirt and mud? Has the world crumpled you into a little balland tossed you to the curb?

Do you feel like no matter what you do - no one sees you shine,

no one sees your worth?

You may lay in your curb, covered by rain and mud,

laying in the excess trash of the world around you -

but someone has looked down

someone reaches out and picks you up

wipes you clean

holds you up to the SON

and smiles because HE has found something of Worth.

Not gonna grow up

It's inevitable
seasons come, seasons change
tree grows
leaves fall
winds blow
snow falls
lil feet curled up, soon crawling amongst giants,
then running to play catchup, suddenly right in stride with you
lil hand holds your finger, then giv'n you a high five

like all moms out there, I come to the season of clothes switcharoo
bins upon bins of clothes from seasons past, packing away memories, ol memories come flooding back...
pulling out one lil dress I smile, I can see my oldest daughter in it, accessories and all.....
put it on a hanger, ready for it to be worn once again.

suddenly lil hands grab it up - she smiles at me
and lil A turns to run away grabbing a handful of other "new" items.
lil feet stamper into the kitchen and tosses it in the trash...(it's her new trick)...---
apparently she doesn't want the new items hung in her closet
apparently she wants to stay in her too small items
apparently she doesn't want to grow up
---and she stands and smiles.

The Buried Life

So, bored as I get sometimes being home while munchkins are in school - I went searching for a new show on TV I have yet seen. Now I'm not a huge fan of MTV - well I'm not even a small fan....not since they stopped playing music that is...but this show caught my eye.

The premise is that if you had one day left of life - what is the one dream you would want to fulfill.

Now let's say you have a lot of days left of life - how many more dreams are added to your list?

A few guys decided to make something of their days left, and accomplish their dreams - now for every dream they get to fullfill, they will decided to choose one stranger, and help fulfill one of their dreams too.

Ok - so the premise is really really interesting - it caught my attention as did the dream they were trying to fulfill > Play basketball with President Obama.
Yeah, they got all the way up the "ladder" from radio stations, through congressmen, through a Secretary of a dept.
...but alas, their dream could not be fulfilled -but seriously that's huge right there...to get to talk with a congressman or secretary - face to face!

--- so this begs the question...
if you had one day left of your life - what is the one dream you would want to accomplish.
....
I personally have no idea......I should dream more.

3 lil words

there are 3 lil words driving me nuts lately -- i know it's not all her fault, i'm letting it happen....
i'm just not caring half the time.

N wants to do something
Mom says no
N says
"I'm just gonna"

now, to everyone else this is a control issue.......
N looking for her boots
Mom says what are you doing?
N says I'm going outside
Mom says, um, no your not
N says... "I'm just gonna"
> and you know what? She proceeded to just go outside.

yeah that happend when I just didn't care....I questioned myself....
is this a fight i want to have? do I really truely care if she goes outside?
no not really -- i gave her, her boundries and she went. When she came
back in she wanted Cocoa (now me as her mom, knows perfectly well that having cocoa is really
her true reason to go outside) I said no to the cocoa -- and said, 'girls who don't listen don't get to have cocoa.'
- yeah I was proud of myself - lol
to all the parents out there -- yes it was discussed that we need to learn to
ASK - and not just DO.

this happens a lot this past two weeks - with me sick...just not caring about all the lil arguements
we have.
I got to bite it in the butt soon -- or this could get out of a hand.....

~~~~yrs from now~~~~
Mom sees something in N's hand - long and white.
Mom says N what do you have there?
N says a cigerette
Mom says what are you doing with that?
N says smoking
Mom says Oh no your not
N says
"i'm just gonna"

Remember Me....

I'm amazed how one lil song, so simple in words and melody - can instantly bring me to tears.
Every Time I Here It -- almost frustrating really...and it's not even a sad song!!!

But the imagery of the words are truly magical - i have images in my head, for each line
to the song - the beauty of the poetry that Mark writes in the song...yeah just amazing to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember me In a Bible cracked and faded by the years

Remember me In a sanctuary filled with silent prayers

Remember me When the color of the sunset fills the sky

Remember me When you pray and the tears of joy fall from your eyes

Remember me When the children leave their Sunday school with smiles

Remember me When they're old enough to teach Old enough to preach Old enough to leave

Age to age and heart to heart

Child of wonder child of God
Remember me

(Mark Schultz)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Each verse - I can see the beauty of God in it....but the 3rd verse, well yeah...

there's nothing like seeing a child, in their simple and unadulterated innocence,

understand, believe, and live the Beauty of God

the purpose of the song has been met - it continues to help me, Remember Him.

suddenly

been sitting here, in this spot off and on all morning since i've been up

facing the window right across from me i look up

and suddenly

there's a down pour of white,

soft pretty slurring all about to a silent song

a minute or so later i glance somewhere else

take my mind into a different direction

moments slip by, but then i look out

and suddenly

there's nothing, only a layer of white as an evidence something once fell

but there's no movement, no graceful fall

i think nothing of it and continue my mind somewhere else

pulling me from the opening view to the outside

time ticks by, and my eye catches something

a movement - look up

and suddenly

the dance begins again, white slurring about

turning from side to side in a dance - yet unaware

of eachother - some are fast needing to feel the ground beneath them

some slow down, it's an adagio - no need to race to the end of the song

some hear the crescendo

the dance leaps about, twirling to and fro yet will often

pause for a curtsy- a slowing down - the music comes and

goes during this moment of my day...during a pause in the music

i'm reminded i don't have tickets to sit

and watch the entire performance...but

after this calm silence...the dance twirls

once again...suddenly

Who's The Best?

T: "Mom, can anyone be in the olympics?"

yep anyone who is the best at their sport.

"What sports are in the olympics?"

Lots of them - name a sport.

"Soccer"

Yep, their in the olympics...but to be the best you have to play on a team,

then maybe be one of the best in the World Cup, then get to be on the Olympic Team.

"You mean they are the best in all of those sports?"

No Tim - no ones the best at everything -- you pick one sport and work your hardest and train to be the best.

"That would be fun, to be the best"

Full Circle

I think life is finally coming full circle.

Don't know if she will ever have the desire to dance, the need to move to music,

to feel the music, to love the smell of a dance floor - or if it will only remain

an activity that let's her be a princess -

either way, this dancer now has a dancer.

True Friendship

So, instead of bothering to babble about what I've been doing for the past 6 odd months - let's just focus on today.

Today - day 5 of this crazy, flatten me flat on my back, achy body, swelling throat - nasty wicked cold...yep just a cold. Which for those who don't have a medical degree means - you don't get to take squat from a dr. - cuz you don't have a temp!

So, 4 days ago I became best friends with my friends.

Friend> Dictionary defines this as:

1.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2.
a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter

-now mind you they are in now way person(s) - but these guys truely got my back...not individually but all together, they hold hands, and carry me - ahhh.